You can be right, or you can be effective

Pick one.

The success (and thrill) of my work as a developer work is wrapped up in rigid rules - a computer doing what I tell it. A deceptively difficult task, as we all know. If my program has a bug, it’s my fault, not the computer’s fault.

So I have to be right, all the time, in order to do my job well.

When I started working on a team, this put me at heightened risk of mixing up my goals. It’s too easy for “being right” to be the end-goal, rather than shipping what we need to ship as a team.

When I became a manager, this became a gigantic obstacle.

Turns out, working with people who care about being right all the time is a giant pain in the ass. They’re not pleasant to be around. They can be grating and confrontational. They aren’t always aware of their negative effects on those around them. And they often fail out of collaborative, team environments.

Does that sound like a great manager?

Talking vs. Listening

When you’re talking, you’re projecting outward. You’re working through a problem, maybe. You’re explaining your point of view. You’re attempting to persuade. There is a recipient.

Sometimes these can even devolve into tirades.

Everyone knows what it’s like to be on the other end of a tirade. It sucks. You aren’t heard, you aren’t being asked what you think the best way to solve a problem is, or what ideas you have to improve the team or product. You’re being talked at.

Too many people suffer day in, day out on teams where nobody ever listens to them. The moment a manager actually listens to one of the bright individuals on their team, it can be like handing a glass of ice water to someone in hell.

Listening means shutting the hell up. It means sitting with things you don’t agree with. It means genuinely entertaining the idea that maybe this person knows something you don’t. (In fact, that should be why they were hired.)

The true moments of leadership can appear when someone on your team, or maybe even large parts of your team, are working through an issue and they haven’t arrived at the answer! They all look to you.

This is where the magic can happen. You’ve been here before. You know the solution to the problem. What do you do?

Take a breath and resist your default behavior. Resist the temptation to give them the answer.

Instead, ask questions that help them understand the path to the answer. This approach can even help the group collectively arrive at a better solution than what you would’ve done. That’s when the magic happens.

The results of being effective instead of being right are many. Your team will stick around longer. They’ll enjoy working with you. They’ll grow. (So will you.) You’ll have done one of the greatest things a manager can do - provide an environment for growth and development.

Have any of you gotten caught in the trap of trying to be right instead of being effective? Tell me about it in the comments.

(P.S. A future post will explore when you should weigh in, and how to find truths and common ground in order to persuade.)